Stop talking...start listening.

So interestingly several passages of scripture have been in the mix lately. Anytime, I hear the same passage or at least one with the same message in close proximity my ears perk up and I think..."Okay, God I know you are trying to say something!" Lately here are a few of the passages that have crossed my path: 1- Fools multiply words 2- Be still and know that I am God 3- One of the first steps you can take in improving your communication is stop talking and start listening! Hmmmm...I realized that I do a lot of talking. I already knew this about myself, Haha! I love to talk and I feel very uncomfortable with those awkward lulls of silence that happen when two people don't know each other that well. I have recently been in a couple of groups where I don't know hardly anyone and I find myself blah blah blabbing on and on about absolutely nothing. I find that this is a skill I have honed over many years...The ability to talk to a wall for hours and keep myself entertained. But these few phrases got me thinking, "What am I missing out on by not listening more?" I tried it out at a youth gathering last night, which I realize may have not been the ideal starting point (Teenagers don't exactly jump at the chance to talk about their lives, especially if they don't know you AND you are an adult). Regardless, I did hear some pretty compelling stories about heartache, pain, and amazing aspirations to achieve great things. It was nothing short of miraculous that I got to chat with them about their dreams, their daily life, and some of the dreadful things they were going through. Speechlessness is not a trait I often have, but I didn't really know how to respond so I stayed silent. Could this be the beginning of a life of quiet solitude? Probably not, but at least I realize I can and should keep my mouth shut more often :)

A 5 year old bully! WHAT?

I just had tea with a close friend of mine that was distressed over a situation her daughter encountered at school. She explained that she had witnessed a little girl loudly shout at a classmate, "Why did you hug her?" The victim stated that she hugged her because she was her friend. The bully replied, "I don't want you hugging her, or I won't talk to you ever again." The victim looked dumbfounded and anxious. My friends daughter was the hugee and also felt a bit uncomfortable with the situation. Over the next few weeks the bullying escalated from "I won't talk to you," to spitting on other girls at the school including my friends child. Actions were taken to speak to the teacher to monitor the bully and yet still things went from bad to worse with very little changes being made. My friend asked that a meeting be called between the teacher and the parents of the bullying child so that they can all have an open discussion about appropriate behavior/consequences etc. The teacher explained that she had had a chat with the bully's parents and they are hoping things will get better. My question is why is there even a consideration for tolerating this behavior? If I were to spit on someone out of anger or frustration I would be in court in 2.5 seconds! That is the REAL world! How is it that we turn a blind eye when our children are concerned? How can we progress as a society towards loving each other, accepting each other, and honoring our differences if we don't even care enough to correct a small child? It is apparent that this little girl is only mirroring the pattern that she has been taught, but now is as good a time as any to address it. The longer you wait the more justified the child will feel in her RIGHT to express her frustration, anger, and displeasure with the world in whatever way she cares to. Emotions almost always get us in trouble, and if we are not given tools to control them...then they will control us! So here are some suggestions: 1- Take a deep breath (all parties involved should do this!) timeout is so that you can talk without tears or yelling 2- determine what the bully/disobedient child really wanted 3-Give an alternative to getting the desired outcome 4- Ask the child what choice they will make if the same situation arises, praise them for making a good choice and explain consequences of continuing to make poor choice. By giving alternative ways to achieve the desired goals, you are filling their toolbox to live a life full of friendships and success. Empower the child to BE better. This is obviously the ideal but if we don't strive for our ideals then we all disintegrate into selfish quarreling children!

How easy it is to NOT say hello

I took the kids to the playground this afternoon, mostly for my own sanity! It was a gorgeous fall day and I thought some fresh air and sunshine was just what the doctor ordered. The kids immediately were drawn in by two other children of similar ages climbing on one of the amazing playground installations near our house. The children's mother was busy on her phone sitting alone at a picnic table. I was in need of a little activity myself, so I encouraged the kids to go on the round-a-bout (merry-go-round for the Americans) and pushed them as fast as my legs could go. Then we moved from station to station until eventually the other Mom walked over to assist me in my playground mayhem. It was a curious thing that she came and stood next to me but was reluctant to introduce herself, even though I had already coordinated introductions for our kids. Eventually it was left up to me, "Hello, they are having a blast together!" I said with a smile. "Yes, we've already been down this thing about 10 times, although I can't quite get them to the end. I wasn't really running fast enough." She sheepishly admitted. We continued chatting as our children ran all over playing and making up new games. I found out that she used to work with horses and had just recently had to put one of her ponies down. I was empathetic toward her even though I would not be described as an animal lover. At any rate, we had a really lovely chat and it made me feel like a person. I got to have an adult conversation for a few minutes that will probably be quickly forgotten however, just think if we hadn't said hello! All that time would have been spent politely staring and smiling at each other...HOW BORING! When in doubt have the clout!